Opposite day.

Back in grade school, there was a clever device used to get whatever you wanted from other children: Opposite day. On more than one occasion, little Suzy would request that I play hopscotch with her. I despise hopscotch with all of my being. Why would anyone hop from point A to point B on one foot when they could walk there? Needless to say, I would deny Suzy feeble attempts to get me to hop like an idiot and would say, "No Suzy, you smell like a fish market." Suzy would often times snap back with, "Well its opposite day so you really DO wanna play with me AND I smell pretty." Back in the day this stupid technique worked loads of times. However, nowadays I realize that this remark is the stupidest thing ever fathomed.
It's opposite day? Really? I didn't know that you were the grand Poopa of opposite day. And funny you should say that it's opposite day today because it's actually Thursday. Last weeks opposite day was Tuesday. If its not going to be one day every year at least make it the same day every week. Also, I couldn't help but notice that you said at least a hundred things today. Did it just become opposite day when you declared it as such? Because that would mean that everything you said up to this point is the opposite of whats true including the completely absurd statement "It's opposite day." That's not very fair. But now that you mention it, today is actually "Give Kameron candy day!" Isn't that great? That I can just declare what day it is? Because I mean, you just decided that today is opposite day. Right? I should hit you with a shovel.
As I sit here, I begin to imagine hilarious scenarios in everyday life where someone can declare it opposite day. "Hey mom, can you make me a sandwich?" "Well son, I'm not sure if you've heard that today is opposite day... so here's a banana." "This is not what I asked for and I don't appreciate your snide behavior, goodbye forever.
"Sir, your results came back negative. You're completely healthy." "That's great news! I love life!" "Oh...I'm so sorry, I thought you knew... Today is opposite day. You have terminal cancer."
As you can see, opposite day can potentially be the worst day of the year. Not to mention the fact that there are potentially 30 opposite days a year depending on how determined Suzy ( Queen of Opposite Day) is feeling. And p.s. Suzy just because you said that its opposite doesn't change the fact that you smell....terrible.