This weeks review: Halloween

Wanna know what I love? Candy. Wanna know what else? Free things. Let me just tell you, that for the past 17 years I have gone out on Halloween, hoarded candy like a squirrel, scared small children (unintentionally), watched Thriller on T.V. and had an all around fantastic time. The past years have been a little different. For you see, the logic section of my brain decided to kick into overdrive.

Have you ever watched a child in a McDonalds? They will eat every fry off the ground given the chance. Did you think that just because you told me not to eat unwrapped candy that I'll listen? I dont care if its a freakin gumball with a skull and cross-bones on it, it looks (and tastes) damn good. Here's another thing. If you put a gigantic bowl full of candy with a tiny note-card that says "take one" on your front doorstep in hopes that you can sit inside and watch Halloweentown again without answering the door, you are oh so very wrong. I take all of the candy AND the bowl every single time. Free candy. Free bowl. You're dumb. Why would I pass up an opportunity like that. This year I WILL bust through your window and throw eggs AT you for thinking that 10 year olds dress like Peter Pan would "take one." I imagine this scenario's hilarity will only be amplified by the fact that I'll be dressed like the Easter Bunny.

Which brings me to my next point. Costumes are yummy. This is easily one of my favorite things about Halloween. One year I was a clown. Oh I'm sorry. Did you say thats not scary?

Dear...jeebus...

You're right. It's not scary. It's TERRIFYING. Ive also been the Easter Bunny. And before you judge the decision, imagine your a 12 year old child dressed like superman. All of a sudden the Easter Bunny lands directly in front of you from out of nowhere, and spits green liquid all over you. VIOLA! I just ruined easter for you for the rest of your life.

How could I forget the candy? When I go trick or treating, I intend to go to every single house in the neighborhood. I can not express to you enough how much I hate bitter old hags who turn the lights out in their house to prevent kids from knocking. I got news for you Maw-maw Kettlel. I'm gonna ring that doorbell till you get out of bed and FIND me some damn candy. I don't care if its a single chocolate covered raisin. I hope you know I've been to jail. I will shank you. All I want is enough free candy to dilate my pupils to the size of baseball. Is that so much to ask?

So let me conclude by saying that i'll be at LSU wreaking havoc on the campus as the bunny from Hell again. I'm pumped because I can only imagine the possibilities. Also, if I find a bag of pretzels in my goodie bag.....You're dead.

So i'm at my beautiful friend Rachel's house, and we're watching videos of dancing lemons on youtube(Don't judge me). Suddenly, she whips her head around and exclaims that she has something cool to show me. She types something into the youtube search bar and shows me this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIr8-f2OWhs . Seriously, i loved it.

She's super duper

So this made me wonder. Where did the music go? Sure you can call me weird for liking Stevie Wonder. Don't care. At least i don't have the logical reasoning capabilities of a box of rocks. Wait. Whats that you say? Jay Z is a musical genius? I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you over you being a total drone of society. Seriously, the next person I hear say that is gonna get a smack to the mouth so hard they'll wonder what they had for breakfast because all they can taste is blood. Too graphic? Too bad.

I digress, let me explain to you why this music is good. First of all, its literally two people. However, both of them play like 5 instruments. Can Jay Z do that? Auto-tune doesn't count as an instrument. Neither does "booty smackin". Because obviously its all the man can do. Anywho, they're also awesome because this is the first remix I've EVER heard that doesn't have the same old drum beat or a synthesizer as the primary instrument. No i have not heard the remix to "Poker Face," but i can almost guarantee you it sounds like a cat on fire. Why cant a record company go a month without remixing every song in the world? I don't think anyone has done it to the Ave Maria yet but I imagine it would sound just like everything else. This brings me to my last reason. It builds upon the music, not ruins it. Seriously, I would listen to this song over the original any day. Its still danceable, just different.

I'd better stop saying how this video is better than Beyonce's or Kanye will punch through my computer screen, demand a chicken dinner, and furiously beat the crap out of me when I don't give it to him. In conclusion, this tiny undiscovered group is awesome and they should be making money so help them out and maybe they'll be famous and i can hear them on the radio in between "Party in the Usa," and "Love Game". *sigh*